Missing her

It's been a few weeks now.  I occasionally still see a streak of black in the shadows. I know it's just my eyes, but it makes me realize how different things are without Dock around.

The house is more relaxed than it has been.  Mace is doing great, and I feel bad that I didn't get him a better playmate earlier.  Him and Norris are tearing up this house like mad and actually spent about an hour playing last night after we went to bed.  Sleep was eluding me a bit last night.  I woke up after about an hour or so and couldn't get back to sleep, so I travelled down to the couch and turned on the TV.  I felt this empty space beside me. Dock always used to sleep on the couch, and when I was up in the night, she would lay beside me and purr, or make her cute little noises, or just be there.  Last night it didn't feel as relaxed.  I miss my beauty.

Sadness

We euthanized Dock last night.  I was sitting in the room with my hubby, and we let her out of her carrier.  Well, didn't she start walking around, sniffing everything and meowing her little head off.  She was perky, interested, and seemed in good spirits. Though I know that was a temporary response to the change in scenery, it was enough to give me doubt.  Doubt I've been struggling with all along.  Is it time, does she have more happiness in her, etc.  Mike was great though.  He said that if we wanted to wait another week, we could, but that she would just continue to be a throw pillow on the couch all week.  I'd have to continue to shove meds into her, and stress her out that way.  I knew he was right.

I knew mostly what to expect.  I knew that she would be taken away from me for a short time for a catheter, and some sedative.  I know how my girl is with restraint, so hearing her scream, spit and hiss in protest is not a new thing to me.  I also know that she was not being hurt as that is just how she is normally.  The vet assistant brought her in to me after she had her sedative, and she was already feeling the effects.  I cuddled her like a baby, but that caused her some breathing issues, so I laid her down on my lap and her head was on Mike's lap.  The sedation made her really sleepy, but not enough that her tail didn't flick a bit, and her eyes scanned for us when we talked to her.  It was kind of nice to know that she knew we were there, but not where she was, or what was exactly going on.  The vet came in and very gently and softly gave her the final medication that made her comfortable.  

As I type this, crying, I know that she is in a better place and no longer hurting.  The boys are a bit off, as are we.  And as things settle in, we will get back to a routine, and the boys will be happier for the amount of attention they can have now.  Her spirit is still sitting on the couch, and I know I'll see her in the shadows of the house, now that the fall is coming and the lights are playing tricks more often.  I'll still hear her, smell her, and feel her soft paw on my arm, begging me for some affection.  I am thankful for all the support of the vet and of my husband who saw me struggle with the uncertainty and anxioty of the last few months.  I have had some time to get used to the idea of her being gone, and I guess that helps.  

As I continue to feel the after effects, I will continue to post with happy memories, and my feelings. Thank you for everyone who has shared in my journey, and I hope this has helped some going along the same path as us.  Please feel free to add comments.  I want to be helpful to anyone who needs support, with this or any other condition with their kitties.  

Grief is so painfully real, regardless of its origin. The love of, and attachment to, an animal friend can equal that of human relationships. Likewise, the loss of an animal can be just as devastating.
Rev. Joel L. Morgan

We have made a decision.

I've been looking at Dock quite a bit as you know if you've been watching our progress.  She remains kind of groggy, and more withdrawn than normal.  She is more bloated, and sometimes in her sleep, she makes those noises kind of like snoring/purring, but not.  She dreads her medications, and I feel horrible giving them to her.  If she is sleeping, she tends not to notice the other cats around her, or if she does, she doesn't do much now, where as before, she would be telling them off.  I can tell she doesn't feel well.  Even with the higher doses of all her meds, I noticed she seemed worse, though the increase in the pain meds may be contributing to that.  I did neglect to give her the evening meds one night, and she seemed perkier, but I worry about how her head feels.  

So Mike and I decided that if we can, we will take her in on Monday night.  The vets can be kind of crazy on a Monday, and with a shorter notice, may not be possible.  She is at least comfortable enough, that Tuesday will work, though knowing the girls at the clinic, they will make it work for us on Monday night.  

Dock managed to use up 5 of her 9 lives.  She lived a good 10 and a half years with us, and enjoyed over 16 years of love and life.  She outlived the prognosis of 6-8 months, and I am so happy that she came into our lives.  She will be missed dearly.

Still wondering when

Dock is still kickin around.  She is bloated from the pred, and she is slow from the muscle wasting.  I have her on an alternating schedule of 5 days of pred twice daily, then 5 days with pred once daily.  I actually noticed that her odd behaviour on the once daily resolves when we increase the dose.  She was also having a few head tremors on the once daily dose.  Since on the twice daily, she is better, though we also up'ed her gabapentin and tramadol to twice daily, so she is a bit groggy from those meds, so can't quite say if it's the extra pred, or the extra pain meds that's helping her most.  Tonight is her last dose, then it's down to once daily.  She is super hungry, and even cries for food now.

I know it won't be long though.  She came up to visit us last night in bed at about 1:30am.  Usually she doesn't, so this was odd behaviour.  She will usually have a snuggle with me for a bit, then leave, but she felt more like visiting her dad and sat with him for about 5 minutes.  At that point, we don't know if she tried to get off the bed and tripped or if she fell off the bed.  Either way, she went back downstairs and settled in for the night.

She is more withdrawn lately (once again, not sure if due to the pain meds or not), the strabismus is off and on, she's weak, she stumbles and bothers with her left eye from time to time.  I don't know how much more of this both of us can handle.  We were given a prognosis of 6-8 months, and it's been over 9 since her first seizure and odd sleeping behaviour.  I guess I am really thankful that I have a great hubby for support, and a great vet clinic to keep things in perspective with her health care.  My vet clinic did a new quality of life scale, more geared for owners, so I'm going to get one today and see where she falls now.  I know it will be a lower number than before, so I know we are nearing the end.  I'll just continue to give her the pets and love that she deserves.

What a suck!

So with Dock on her extra meds, she is really really dopey.  She stopped sleeping in those odd spots after the increase in her pred, but now it is time to bring it back down to once daily.  We are going to leave the others at the twice daily as she likely has quite a migraine.

She will not leave us alone though.  She constantly needs to be with us, whether it is because she feels so doped up and she needs the comfort of familiarity, or it is the meningioma itself.  I came home from work today and went upstairs to change, and there she was, right behind me.  I came back downstairs for lunch and she followed me.  When into the computer room to turn on the machine, and she walked right on my heals.  I have shut her out so that I can eat in peace.  But I can hear her trying to get up on the counter, and not making it.  Likely I'll open the door and she'll be right there.  I have house work to do that involves time upstairs, so we'll see if she stays with me.  I love her, but I'd like an hour or two that doesn't involve me constantly petting her, or worrying about stepping on her.  Then again, I should pet her as much as I can. Who knows how much more time I have with her, and she is my soft, sweet, fluffy lady.  I'm really going to miss her.

She's home and medicated

Some good news.  Dock still has relatively good neurological functions.  My vet was quite happy with how she has done, and feels she still has a good quality of life.  The list I had used a few weeks ago, was revamped by the vets at my clinic to be a bit more owner friendly.  She ended up at a higher number.  Perhaps it is because Norris is settled in and has taken some of the pressure of Mace off of her.

So our new regime is increased amounts of meds, and all 3 of them twice a day.  The pred will be reduced after 5 days as she is already on a really high dose.  The tumor has likely grown, and is causing Dock some more pain, likely one hell of a migraine.  So the increase in her pain meds may help that.  If after the 5 days, she starts sleeping in odd spots again, we  will live with that for the time being until her behavior changes to where none of us can handle it.  Giving her meds now is an ordeal, as she truely gets very stressed out now.  If that gets too difficult, or upsetting to her (and me) than we'll need to make a choice then.

For now, I will love my girl, and give her all the attention I can.

It might be today

It's been a while since the doctor has looked at Dock and done a full neuro exam.  I am taking her in today at 3 to see how she is coming along, but I'm thinking we may not bring her home.  She has started sleeping in odd spots again.  Last night she was on the coffee table for a bit, then in the window.  She also spent about 10 minutes sitting at the bottom of the stairs just looking at the wall.  Mace was watching her for a few minutes, wondering what the hell she was doing.  She slept part of the night in her cat bed, as well as some time pretty much on my head on my pillow.  Then I found her this morning on the hubby's computer chair (she has never been on his, always on mine).  She is clingy, her strabismus seems a bit worse, and she has been fussing with that eye a bit too.  She's still eating, and seems happy, but I'm worried that she has a wicked headache, and what will be the next step in her decline.  I've always caught the issue at the odd sleeping places.  But when the next behaviour arises, what might that be.  Will she start urinating all over, will she start circling and not be mobile, will she try to jump somewhere and misjudge the distance, will she fall down the stairs.  We'll see what the vet says this afternoon.

Still happy

Dock is doing about as good as expected.  We were at a friends cottage for a few days last weekend, and she stayed at the vets and did fine there.  My vet didn't get a chance to look at her, but as I didn't have any issues, the staff just let her do her own thing.

I noticed on Thursday afternoon that her left eye appeared a bit odd.   After looking a bit closer, her pupil looked as if it had shifted a bit to the left.  Her eye sight did not appear to be a problem, and as I  am a worrier, I didn't know if I was seeing what I was seeing.  I needed the hubby to look, and he confirmed this afternoon that he is seeing it too.  It is just a tiny bit, so not really too noticeable, but if he's seeing it, than I'm not loosing my mind.

I checked in with the vet and it sounds like strabismus.  We know she has some cranial nerve deficits, more so on her left side, so likely what is going on is the tumor has grown and is now occupying more space.  As she is still quite lovable, eating well, good hydration, and is loving her pets and her brushing, until she shows signs of altered sight, or neurological function issues, we will continue on as is.  I'm going to up her pred to twice a day for a few days to see if that helps with the strabismus.

While away.....

We were away for 4 days at our friends cottage.  The vet was able to keep Dock for me and make sure she got her meds, and did not have any odd episodes.  She did well.  When we brought her home though, she was super sucky, and needed to be close.  I was reeling from a multi-day migraine, and was thankful for the attention, but just wanted to sleep off the headache and nausea.  She spent the night upstairs, either sleeping around my head, on my chest, or on her cat bed which has been unused for the last year (but I kept there, just in case).  Yesterday, she seemed a bit more settled, but is still being a sucky pants.  Going back, she has been on her pred for about 7 months now, and the prognosis I was given was 6-8 months.  She has done extremely well, and I'm hoping she continue for a while longer.  We are going back to the cottage in just under 2 weeks, so we'll likely have her monitored at the vets again for simplicity, (that is of course something happens in the mean time). That being said, I forgot to give her meds to her this morning so I'd best do that while I'm thinking about it.

I Just Keep Watching

I don't know if I'm over thinking things or not.  Am I actually seeing what I'm seeing?

Dock and I were in the computer room yesterday.  She likes to sit on a wooden tray table at the window and look outside when the windows are open (which isn't too often with the crazy hot summer)  She moved between the window, to my lap, to laying on my computer desk.  Rinse and repeat.  She did this circuit for about an hour before finally leaving the room.  I thought she may have been uncomfortable, and just could not settle, so I'm going to gave her some extra gabapentin after dinner.  (My vet said it can be given more often if needed.  She wrote the dose down for me somewhere.  Should maybe call and confirm).

We all ate dinner and than settled in to watch some tv.  I watch Dock like a hawk now a days, never knowing if she's going to have tremors, or stumble, etc.  She started some tremors, and she did the staring off into space thing.  As her tremors are so subtle, I'm never knowing if I'm seeing them or not.  They appeared to go on and off for about 5 minutes.  She did fine for the rest of the night though I did miss parts of my movie watching her.  That's ok as she's my girl and I need to keep an eye on her.

Last thing I've noticed is that she's not holding her tail up any more, and when she lays, it's kind of kinked about a third from the tip.  It does not hurt her, and if I pinch it, she will pull away eventually, so I know she does feel it.  But she laid down last night, and it landed all curly q like a pig tail.  Never seen her not have it curled around her, or straight out behind her.  This just confirms the weakness that she has.

I guess I'll just keep watching, and waiting, and second guessing myself.

Second Guessing

Dock has had quite a good week.  She seemed perkier, and was awake a lot more than I expected.  She seems to be more content with the new cat Norris and maybe that is why she is doing good this week.

I re-evaluated her quality of life score, and talked it over with the vet.  The link I posted I think was more for the vets, so they can judge, but both my vet and myself think there is a lot more to quality of life from an owners perspective.  For example.  While Dock has good mobility, I see it declining.  I can tell she's weak and can't stand or sit for long.  She also stumbles.  She was not interested in playing with toys recently, but when I engaged her with a feathered wand toy, she batted at it for a good 5 minutes.  I know she is not great, but she is not as bad as I thought, and my vet was an important part of that process.

I am a believer though that quality of life is not just the basics (eating, drinking, lying there watching the world go by).  I want Dock to be happy.  I would rather see us say goodbye to Dock on her terms and our terms, versus the illnesses terms.  I don't want her to go through a big event such as a major seizure, or her stumbling down the stairs and breaking a leg.  Those are the things that worry me. And though they are unlikely to happen, there is that possibility.  For now, it's still week by week, and I'm still always second guessing myself.  But that is what being a pet owner is about.

Quality of Life

I've just read an article that talks about quality of life.  I have been struggling with Dock's for a few weeks now.  It's so hard to know if you are doing it too early, or too late.  The last thing I want to do is have her suffer, or to experience something significant like a major seizure when we are not at home, or lose her balance and fall and hurt herself.  I've talked to friends, co-workers, and most importantly, my husband, about this.  I'm still on the fence, so my vet gave an article with a scale to try and quantify her quality of life.
 
http://www.veterinarypartner.com/Content.plx?P=A&S=0&C=0&A=1523

I went through this list, and I found it was a good beginning, but that it is deeper than this article makes it. I'll post her score for each section in brackets.

Hurt - I know Dock's breathing is a bit labored, she is bloated and I think that has increased her breathing.  But what is a normal respiration rate for cats?   (5)

Hunger - She eats well, and is even looking for extra food.  But that is from the meds.  (7)

Hydration - How do I tell she is dehydrated?  What should she normally drink in a day?  She urinates well, but I know she's always had concentration issues, and she does have early kidney disease.  (7)

Hygiene - She barely self grooms anymore.  Thankfully, she has never really matted, or had issues with poop sticking to her long fur on her bum.  But she looks greasy, and patchy, and not very pretty anymore. (2)

Happiness - She seems depressed and tired.  I see it in her eyes, and she can't stand me coming at her with her meds which breaks my heart.  She does not seem interesting in toys, or in the new cat at home.  She just wants to sit beside us, purr and get pets.  That's her only real happiness (3)

Mobility - She doesn't go up and down the stairs as well.  She drags her back feet (particularly her left).  She never stands anymore, she will only sit.  I have just noticed today, she does not raise her tail anymore. (3)

More good days than bad - This is a really hard thing to gauge.  All her days are the same.  I noticed that she is really only awake for an hour in the morning, if that, and 2-3 in the evening.  During that time, she doesn't do much besides sit and get pets. (3)

According to the scale, Dock is 30, which according to their scale is a poor quality of life.  I'm glad to have seen this article, and will discuss it with the hubby tonight.

Waiting the weekend

So Dock's pred is now decreased to once a day.  The last few days (even when she was on the twice daily pred) she was a bit wobbly.  I watch her so much now, that I'm not sure I'm seeing things right, or if I'm imagining things.  But I do know that when she sits still, she wobbles a bit when she breathes.  She also has a full feeling belly so I wonder if she has some fluid build up in her system, as she is quite boney over the back. She still drags her back left paw, and her one toe sits kind of odd.  All she does is sit and lie down.  She sleeps a lot too, making me wonder how much energy and strength she has.Chatting with the vet the other day, she said something to me that kind of hit home.  She said "Seems like she's just existing"  so I'm watching her quality of life this weekend. I already noticed her stumbling a bit here and there, and she came upstairs this morning which she did before we increased her meds, but didn't when she was on the higher dose.  I'm suspecting that it will be next week that we'll take the final trip.

6 months

So I looked back, and it's been about 6 months since Dock's suspected diagnosis of Meningioma.  At that time, we were given a prognosis of 6-8 months, so it seems we have been doing ok so far.  But more symptoms are starting to arise.  I noticed the other day that she is dragging her hind left paw when she walks.  I can hear her nails scraping the hardwood.  I looked and it appears that she is not retracting her claws on the left side as she does on her right.  I have also noticed odd little twitches here and there.  For no reason, her ear will twitch, or her back, her paw or her tail.  She maybe awake or fast asleep when this happens.  I've seen her dream twitches before, and these are different.  Speaking with her vet, meningiomas can typically affect one side or the other, and if it was muscle wasting or weakness due to the high doses of pred, than it would be affecting both sides equally.  She's suspecting  the twitching is focal seizure activity, and the dragging of her left paw confirms that the meningioma likely is increasing in size again and causing neurological signs.

We were thrilled to bring home our new kitty Norris the other day, and so far he has done well in his new setting, and has even played a bit with Mace.  Dock on the other hand is not so happy with his arrival.  We are not sure if that is why she has decided to travel upstairs more.  She has not come up the stairs in about 4 months, so we were a bit surprised when she woke us up the other day.  She found a nice cushy spot sitting on my chest and stayed there happily for a while before moving onto the hubbies side table.  She ventured up again last night.  I woke in the night to feel her fall over onto me.  She righted herself and a few seconds later, laid down on my chest for 5 minutes before going down stairs.  I am not sure if it was a seizure, she lost consciousness, or stumbled.  She stumbled again this morning when she came to wake us up.  These incidents, coupled with the dragging of her paws has led us to increasing her meds.  Pred and Gabapentin twice daily for the week.  We can't use the pred for more than the week as it is too high a dose.  So after a week on the higher dose, we'll see how she does.  

How will this work?

So new cat coming home today.  Norris is Mace's new play buddy, and with Dock still wandering around, I'm wondering how things will work out in the house.  He had some major surgery on Wednesday, so he's not up to snuff, and still on some good pain meds/narcotics.  Mace will take a bit to get used to him anyway, so it's probably a good thing he's not in too playful a mood.  I think he'll just watch Dock, and she'll watch him.

Dock's appetite is down a bit again.  I started giving her medication after she's eaten, and that helped to boost her appetite for a while.  Not sure if it is the heat or another reason.  I've also noticed she is dragging her hind left toes just a bit.  I hear her nails scrape the hardwood floor when she moves that paw.  Not her right, just the left.  I'm taking this as a poor sign.  Because today is Canada day, the vets are off tomorrow, but I'll ask on Tuesday to see their thoughts on this new symptom.

Getting there.

Things have been slowly declining a bit.  I noticed a week ago that Dock was sleeping with her eyes open a bit.  She also is not eating breakfast well, and does not stand/walk for long until she sits down.  So I finally was able to take her to see her usual vet.  After getting the low down on her, she did a neuro exam and found that one of Dock's cranial nerves is being affected.   The ones that operate her outer eye muscles are sluggish and weak.  Her eye control is good, which means she can move her eyes well, and her pupils dilate properly.  While she has increased in her weight a bit, she feels bony and that is likely due to the pred.  High doses have caused muscle wasting and that is likely responsible for her feeling weak a lot of the time.  Her appetite in the am is likely cause I am shoving pills in her before she eats, and watching her closely.  Maybe I should wait and do it just before I leave for work, or when I get up if I'm not on the morning shift.  Either way, Dock is holding her own, and fairing as good as she can.  Her 16th birthday will be July 6th, and we are suspecting she will see it, though there is a chance she may not.

It's been awhile

I know' it's been quite a while since I've visited.  Dock still kickin.  She seems more dazzed lately, and she looks like she's constantly foggy in the head.  She follows us a lot when we are at home, and insists on sitting on the computer desk or my lap when ever I'm on.  Last 2 nights though she has decided it was play time.....at 12:30am!  She started howling, a sound I haven't heard from her before, so I jumped out of bed to see what was up.  Seizure? Dieing on me? or something else?  It appeared she had "caught" herself a paper ball and was letting us know that she had killed it for us.  I looked at her, her face all proud and happy as she flops on her side for some lovin.  OMG, DOCK!  I went back to bed.  Same thing happened last night.  But I know that I left that paper ball around, so I assumed that was the reason for her crazy sounds.  Sure enough this morning, the paper ball had found it's way onto the couch.  We'll see if it happens again tonight.

On another note.  There is a new cat waiting at the clinic for Mike and I to bring him home.  He is on cage rest for a month after likely being hit by a car.  He is a lucky cat and only broke his pelvis.  So we need to let that heal, get him vaccinated, neutered and declawed.  He is such a sweetie, and his personality is so like Mace's that I think they will be best friends.  Exactly what Mace needs.  "Norris" is a short haired, brown tabby and white, 8 months old.  I think even Dock would like him, but then again, he is on some good pain killers while his pelvis heals, so he's likely more laid back than he will  be when he actually makes it home.

It's been awhile.

I've been busy lately, so I've not had a lot of time to post.  Not much is going on anyway.  The heat has officially hit and Dock (despite her thinning coat) is feeling the effects of the 30C temps.  Her appetite is down a bit, but that is normal for my girl when she is warm.  She is having little sporadic episodes of oddness.  Nothing like she's had in the past, but something I, as her momma, notice.  I am also one of those pet owners that will concentrate on a symptom so intensely, that I second guess whether I'm seeing it or not.  I swear I've seen short burst of tremors, but nothing for sure.  It may just be my eyes playing with my brain.

Forget eating....

Dock's appetite appears to be the next obstacle at this point.   I would put Mace's food down first, then Dock would follow me into her room to eat so Mace wouldn't bother her.  Now, when I put down Mace's food, she sits there and looks at his bowl, and even tries to hop in to take some.  I have had to entice her, or even pick her up to take her in for her breakfast.  Maybe it's because I have to shove a pill and 2 liquids down her mouth every morning that she's not too happy about following me.  But once she gets her meds, she usually eats a few mouthfuls nicely, but can leave any where from 1/3 to 3/4 of her breakfast.  I put the food away, and will reheat it later.  This is not always possible though.  So for now, I will continue to feed the Diva how ever she will eat and will watch her weight.  The vet may believe that the meningioma may be affecting her hunger center, so instead of eating what she needs to for the day, the hunger is gone, so she thinks she is done.  Oh well, we'll see where we go from here.  I've been thinking for a while that we won't have too much longer with her, but she's a stubborn one.  She'll kick around for a while yet I'm sure.

Sunshine Kitties

Things are plunking along here in Ontario.  Spring has hit, and today is beautiful and sunny.  Mace has his spot in the window, soaking up the rays, and having numerous admirers as people walk past the house.  It's not everyday that you see a sphynx cat sunbathing.  Dock on the other hand is lounging on the couch in her ray of sun.  She was being extremely lovable and was demanding numerous pats from both hubby and me.  She spent part of her day as well at another open window, listening to the birds and watching them flit about.

I was a bit worried this morning when I came down to feed them at 6:30am.  Usually Dock is up and ready to greet me as I walk down the stairs.  This morning she was not up and about, so I thought maybe she was downstairs using the litter box.  I wandered down, and did not see her.  Looking around again, I obviously had missed her sitting in my computer chair.  I think she must have been sleeping there.  So far today though, she is her usual odd ball self, and no other behaviour changes.  So I'll let her enjoy the day, and not worry about her (for now)

Same old same old

Nothing much has changed over last week or so.  Just a quick check over at the vet today to see how things are and to weigh the Dock girl.  I noticed an oddity in her spine, a strange dip that appears to occur at a specific vertebra, so we'll see if that's anything or not.  Got to get some more food too.  Dock loves the food she's on now, and typically eats it all, but we've seen her going to Mace's bowl a few times lookin for left overs.   Mace is a hoover and will never leave food (unless he's sick).  So a weight check is likely a good idea.  If Dock wants to get fat, then I'll let her (a bit, as too much is not good for her already arthritic joints)

No New Friend for Mace

So this wonderful cat that we found is not able to come home with us.  There was some issue with our local humane society, so as of Saturday, it was unsure if he was going to be ours or not.  So I got a call today that said that we can have him.  YAY!  Happiness  for about an hour.  They tested him for feline leukemia and FIV, which was positive for FIV.  Given that he has a large wound on his face, and has now spiked a fever, and developed signs of a strong upper respiratory infection, the vet feels that his immune system is too compromised.  Plus FIV is contagious to Mace, and there is not a vaccine for it to give to Mace.  Obviously, the guy was not meant to be with us, and another cat will come along at some point.

Crying away

My vet has the most amazingly affectionate cat at the clinic that the humane society brought in.  He has a large facial wound, and is slated for adoption when he heals.  Though he is a rough looking boy, his personality is gorgeous.  We went to meet him today and took Dock in to weigh her.  Dock's weight has gone up nicely since  we switched her food over.  But a ride in the carrier is always an ordeal for her.  Getting home, she wanders for a few minutes, crying.  So the hubby and I retreat to the computer room to eat our breakfast with the door closed in peace.  She continues to cry and stands near the door, almost like she's sad that we are not there.  This goes along with the lost feeling and wanting to follow us all over.  Once the door was open though, she was fine.

On another note.  We will likely be bringing home a new cat in a few weeks.  The clinic has the most amazingly affectionate male stray that has such a gorgeous personality.  He did have a rather large facial abscess which destroyed a lot of the skin on his face.  That will heal well, but will take time.  The local humane society is willing to adopt him out once he is healed, but I could not resist his charm.  Hubby and I went to see him today, and decided that once he is healed, neutered, declawed, dewormed, defleaed and vaccinated, then he can come home.  I'm sure that it'll still be about 3 weeks, and I'm not sure if Dock will still be around then.  I'm hoping not to stress her out too much by bringing in another rambunctious cat.  Mace will have a ball with this new guy.  I will post a picture and name when I can.

My poor balding Dock

My vet was away for 2 weeks, so I chatted with her yesterday to bring her up to speed and see if she recommends I increase Docks medication.  I told her about the thinning hair, the balding patches, how Dock follows me all over, the obsession about the dishes, how she just sits and stares into space sometimes.  I also mentioned that she has peed in the room I feed her in.  The vet believes she has a type of self induced Cushings disease due to the high dose of prednisone she is on.  She is apprehensive about increasing her meds at this time, as the behaviours she is exhibiting are quite manageable, and increasing her meds will cause further issues if there is a Cushings disease going on.  We will hold off on increasing the meds until the behaviour dictates we do, or until she starts having more tremors or seizures.

Maybe it's fate.

So I found someone today that has 3 kittens that are about a week old.  They are all boys, and one is a cute orange tabby.  Of course I won't do anything with Dock still around.  The less I stress her out the better.  But I know Mace would not do well without a playmate.  So depending on the timing, there is a possibility for a kitten in about 6 weeks.  But of course, Dock will be the judge of when that plan goes ahead.

Livin life in the slow lane!

Nothing much has changed here.  Dock is still just wandering the house.  Occasionally looking lost.  Rubbing her face on just about anything.  Wanting lots and lots of attention.  Still keeping the same dose of meds.  I know now it's just going to be a matter of time.  But she's comfy, and content.

What's with all the lickin?

Dock's been up and down. Nothing as extreme as she had when initially diagnosed, or when she missed her one day of medication.  But she is still in La-La-Land.  She must be on the counter licking dishes awaiting to be cleaned.  Last night, she had 2 paws in the sink, and was licking the handle of a knife that was sitting upright in a glass.  There was a multitude of other items, both in and out of the sink that she could have enjoyed, and had an easier time getting to.  But nope, she wanted to lick that handle.  As dinner was finished, we were dishing it out, and then I saw her licking the side of a stool we have under the island overhang.  "Really?!  Seriously?!  Pish, whatever!"
I am not quite prepared to up her medication yet as we can only do so for 5-7 days before we have to reduce it back down, and I'm afraid that we will not be able to reduce it for long, so I'm holding out for a bit longer.
I am also torn between looking for another cat at this time.  I don't want to upset Dock anymore by bringing in a strange cat, and I want to concentrate on her, instead of trying to integrate and train another cat.  But Mace will be better with one.  I think if one falls in my lap that is a good fit, then I have a plan in place for housing him/her for a bit off site until we have said our goodbyes to my girl.  Not ready to admit to myself that it is not too far off yet.

Not too much longer

So I was chatting with my vet yesterday after another brief episode of behaviour change.  I fed my lady on Wednesday (I think) and after her dinner, she came out of the room that I feed her and just wandered.  She was looking all over the place like she was lost, like she had no clue about where she was, or who I was.  She puttered around the main floor for about 5 minutes like this.  I didn't intervene as I thought I'd just wait and see how long it lasted.  I started doing the dishes and that seemed to have been what brought her out of her episode.  She has a bit of OCD now and she needed to be on the counter, licking the flavoured water out of the dishes on the counter before I washed them.  I spoke to the vet the next day, and she suspects it is the meningioma (not surprised).  I asked what Dock's max dose of Prednisone is, so I can increase as needed.  Also to get an idea of how much longer I'll have her.  Looking up the dose, my vet said that she is already at her max maintenance dose.  We can increase it temporarily, but for only 5-7 days.  Right now, she is not acting oddly enough, consistently enough for me to do that.  I'm going to see how she does, then increase when I feel she needs it.  One good thing though is my vet does not believe she is in pain.  If she was, I would increase her meds, then look at the hard choices this week.  But right now, she seems happy, and that is all that matters to me.

I'm back

I haven't posted in a bit.  I was enjoying the summer like weather last week too much and spent quite a bit of time enjoying the back deck with my book.

Dock has been doing good, but I do feel she is slipping a bit.  Not enough to warrant an increase in her meds yet.  But I do find she is a bit more sluggish (perhaps she is a bit more sore) and a bit more demanding.  I found last week that she tended to follow me around the house.  If I was in the kitchen, she was there.  If I walked from the living room into the bathroom, she would try and follow me.  She's not travelling upstairs anymore, and I saw her going down into the basement to use the litter very gingerly, and slowly coming up the stairs.  Her appetite is down a bit, and she was sitting under my computer desk last night. Another place she never stays.  Her hair is also thinning.  It is like she has no undercoat, and when she lays down, it parts a bit and you can see her pasty white skin.  The vet says that maybe due to the steroids.  The prednisone can affect her hair growth, and besides lowering the dose, we have nothing we can really do for that.  She's still my beauty, and will always have a nice soft coat.  I can't reduce the pred as she gets wonky really quickly.  We'll wait and see, but we may need to up her pred within the next week or 2.

Week off

I am off of work this week.  I'll be able to get a better idea of how Dock is in the daytime.  I found urine again in the bedroom where she eats, but that is because she is blocked in (or Mace eats her dinner) and cannot get out to get to the box.  Found another this morning in a plastic mat by the door for the "mucky, wet winter boots".  As it has gone unused for the most part, I took the carpet off of it, only to find that it has been soiled as well.  Will not mat there, I was able to see another spot that someone is seeming to enjoy christening.  I still suspect Dock, as she is arthritic and I've seen her go up and down stairs quite gingerly.  I may decide to put a box on the mail level, though not sure where to locate it.  Then I think Mace will be lazy though and not go downstairs....oh what to do?!

Sunshine

The weather is incredible for mid March in St. Cat's.  It is 20 C and so nice that the windows are open in the house, and I sat on the deck to soak up some sunshine.  Dock is feeling the effects of the nicer weather too.  She is enjoying the open windows and the sunshine, taking in  every odour her little sniffer can find.  She has always been a fan of the sunbeam, and today is not an exception, sitting in a window, watching the world pass her by.  I am hoping that the re-emergence of our winged friends the house fly will keep her spirits high as both her and Mace enjoy playing with them, chasing them, and eventually eating them.  Mace is watching one right now and talking to it, almost trying to coax it into flying out of the window so he can practise his unique catching technique.

Who's been peeing in the computer room?

Right, it's been Dock.  With 2 cats, it's hard to figure out who is peeing where, especially when it is not in the litter box and you don't see them.  I have found a few spots lately, and they have been in various places including the computer room where Dock eats her meals.  Now, male cats tend to have a few more issues with this (and Mace would fit that bill) because  they tend to get stressed more due to lack of enrichment, exercise, attention, etc.  Dock being so relaxed, and Mace being Mr. Crazy Pants, let me believe it was Mace.  But if it has been in the computer room, then I suspected Dock.  And due to the early kidney disease, and the pred, I was pretty sure it was.  Well literally about 5 minutes ago, she was on the cushion my hubby had put on the floor.  (His back was a bit sore, and needed it for a bit of lower back support while on the computer).  It was the kind of cushion you have tied to your dining room chairs, and it has a few sewn circles to look like buttons. Well, Dock as pawing at them (never seen her do that).  I thought, why is she playing with those circles, do they feel odd on her paws?  then she lifted her tail ever so slightly.  I caught her before she started.  Whew.  So once she's done her breakfast, I'm sure she'll make a break for the litter.

Open Window

So it's 10 C here now.  Spring is on it's way (not that we had much of a winter)  I have temporarily turned off the furnace and decided to open a window.  It is quite breezy, and there is a chill to the wind, so it won't be open for long.  But Dock has always loved sitting at open windows.  I opened it, and put her on the table I keep by the window for such an occasion.  She's not moving so fast today, maybe her arthritis is flaring up a bit.  But she did sit at the window for a few minutes, listening to the birds and sniffing the air.  Mace even came up to join her for a sec before he got too cold.  She is now sitting by the heat vent again, likely waiting for the heat to come on.  Sorry sweetie, but it is too nice.

Medication is Good!

So Dock getting back to herself.  My last post was Sunday morning, but Sunday afternoon/evening was when the fun started.  Her behaviour worsened.  Spent the day sleeping/sitting in odd places (odd for her I should say).  Including sitting in front of my computer for an hour by herself when I went out to get groceries.  In the basement, on the island in the kitchen on some papers, on the stove, and she actually laid down on the hubby and slept on Sunday night.  These odd behaviours is what tipped us off to the meningioma to begin with.  This morning appears to be a bit better, though she is full out lounging in front of the heat vent instead of her usual sleep curl.  I'm hoping she's at least feeling ok, and doesn't have some wicked migraine.

She makes me giggle when she does these things, and I try to look at it in a positive manner, with humour and wonderment.  But I'm starting to think about how much time I have left with her.We still have some play room with her meds, and I'm not looking to send her away for quite a while still, but these things are ultimately out of my hands.  I'll continue to medicate her with what is needed, and continue to love her until she no longer can do it.  I know her well enough that SHE will let ME know.  Everyone love your pets and hold them tight, even if only for a few seconds.

No Meds Means Not Good

I've had a stiff neck and a pulled back this past week, so my sleeping is bad.  I woke up yesterday (Saturday) after 2 hours of sleep to feed the 2 monsters (Dock and Mace) Because of my shortened sleep, I was hoping I would go back to bed without a problem, so I figured I would forgo Dock's meds then and give them to her later in the morning.  Well, I felt horrible, and wasn't able to get down on the floor too well to give them to her. My Hubby would not be able to either, as he has never had the experience of shoving a pill down her gullet, and squirting in 2 oral liquids.  That being said, Dock did have an off day.  She was a bit dazed, and a bit weak.  She feel off the couch during an intense petting session where it appeared she forgot where edge was.  She also was not able to jump as easily and fell off the first shelf of a book self which she uses routinely.  No seizures noted, but I could tell she didn't feel right and was sore.

So this morning, I gave her everything (thanks to some prescribed medication for myself, my back is much better).  Opened the door to where she eats about 40 minutes later, only to find she had vomited up her breakfast.  No knowing how much of her meds she had actually absorbed,  I went back to bed, deciding I would think about it when I got back up.  Dock then proceeded upstairs with me back to bed, and laid down on my pillow for the 2 hours I was back asleep.  She then left the pillow to go sit on my dresser, of which she never went.  Now she is just puttering around me as I type, looking for those important pets.  I know we have alot of play room with her pred and gabapentin, so I think I will give her another dose of each today.  I hope she feels better

Need Caffeine!

I noticed last night that Dock has not been sleeping in those odd places any longer.  I would assume that is because her current dose of medications are helping.  This morning though, I was enjoying a McDonald's coffee when Dock decided she wanted to try it.  As I am a coffee-holic, she has been exposed to coffee uncountable times, and has never taken any interest.  This morning she decided that the swill sitting on top of the lid would be tasty and licked it up readily.  I'm sure if I had the lid off, she would have put her face right into it, likely spilling it all over, including into my keyboard.  Thankfully I have learned that I am a klutz, and the lids stay on for my own safety. 

 Dock is currently enjoying a sit on my lap, after having drank her fill from a bowl sitting in the sink.  She's my soft, cute lady and I don't want to move her, but I do have to get ready for work.  Ah, what is another few minutes of cuddle time gonna hurt :D

Why does she keep trying?!

Dock has an obsession about being on the kitchen counter.  Especially if I'm doing dishes, so I try to do them when she is stowed away in her room eating. (That is so Mace doesn't bully her out of the way and get her food, poor girl will starve)  Today was no exception.  I was getting coffee ready, and had to move a few dishes into the sink.  Sure enough, there she was, ready to hop on the counter.  Due to her bad knees, she doesn't have a lot of strength to get up, so I have a little mat for her to give her some foot traction.  Despite that, she still doesn't make it sometimes, and lands hard on her already delicate frame.  You think she'd learn that she doesn't always make it, and it hurts.  But she still tries, and makes it about 75% of the time.  This morning though, she must have some weakness as she tried 3 times before I made my way into the coffee maker.  (You can't help but hear it when she falls).  Getting the brew started, she jumped again, and would not have made it had I not caught her back end and hoisted her up.

I Really Don't Like Mace....Really I Don't!

I was watching Dock and Mace play for a few seconds this morning.  I grabbed my phone quickly in hopes of gaining proof that she can tolerate him.  I know she feels good when she can have a boxing match and not growl or hiss at him.  Today, the match was in full swing for about 1 minute before I found phone and was able to get it set for video.  After a swipe or two, Mace noticed something in the doorway, and the match succumbed to a more curious instinct.  The other pic here is Dock mid jump.  She loved playing with a peacock feather.  But the feathers don't last too long around here as she tends to eat the feathers, and then leave them in a pile of saliva type vomit for me to find the next morning, or step on in the middle of  the night.

I woke up last night to something downstairs.  I did not get up, as the sound was brief, but I know it was Dock.  Mace was in bed curled up beside me snoozing.  It sounded like she was scratching at the couch cushions, but she has no front claws.  I found no evidence this morning that it was a seizure, and the only seizure I have seen was localized around her head and was not full body.  I'm not even sure if she would bring out her back claws, or if she'd have used her hind legs to that extent to make that kind of noise.  For now, I will assume it was not a seizure, and maybe she was dreaming, or found some odd little toy to play with.  She did find a paper ball last night (her favourite "everyone is in bed, so I now want to play and make noise" toy), so maybe she rediscovered that.

I also noticed that she is hungrier.  She is starting to scavenge a bit, and even took to licking the inside of granola bar wrappers.  She needed some weigh put back on her, so I'm giving her a bit more here and there.

Sitting at the computer,  I have a cat standing on my lap.  And now, she is sitting.  Dock still is a curiosity to me.  Her odd behavior has reduced some since her meds were increased.  Occasionally still some weird things such as licking out of the dishes at 4 am.  She also NEEDS to be on the counter when I'm doing the dishes.  She's lurking, waiting for me to put up a bowl, a storage container, pot or pan with some water on it.   Glasses are no good as she can't reach the bottom of them very well.  And plates just don't have enough water on them.    I did a load of plates/glasses about an hour ago, and she just looked at me like "where are my damn dishes?!"  Ah well, I'll just watch her as she stares at walls or demands pets.

I work long days on Monday, so the dishes have usually piled up a day or two.  And now, Dock is taking it upon herself to help with them whenever she can.  Any pot or tupper ware with any water on it requires her to lick it.  She is making alot of noise as she gingerly walks around the glasses, the silverware, and plates to get to the bowls that actually hold water.  Maybe it's the added pred and the thirst that goes along with it.  Maybe it's the fact that she's hungry (also maybe due to the pred) or she is developing an eating disorder.  Either way, I thank her for her contribution to the house work.

Snow is flying up here.  Finally a touch of the winter I was waiting for.  Will only last a few days though, rain and warmer temps coming later in the week.

I'm starting to second guess my thoughts on Dock's behaviour.  I'm not sure if I'm turning into a overly concerned mom and looking to much into how she is acting.  Or if I'm being super sensitive to it because I am paying such close attention to her. Hell, I'm paying such close attention to her that I think her eyes are  not constricting/dilating well.

 I talked to the vet yesterday about how Dock has been a bit spacey, like she's just wandering the house singing "la-la-la".  This is likely not due to the increase in her meds.  I'm to stick to the plan right now, and maybe take her in to check her eyes and cranial reflexes.  If she is having issues with her eyes, that can contribute to the vacant look, and possibly indicate that the meningioma is farther advanced than we suspect.  For now, a nice warm heat vent for her on this snowy, canadian day.

Today is a normal Friday....so far

Dock has been doing well.  The increase in her Prednisone dose means she is more hungry and eating her breakfast much better.  She does seem to be a bit more dazed as she walks, almost a bit spacey.  She is bright and relatively alert.  I'll speak to the vet to see if that is the Pred or maybe the illness.

No So White North

This has been the warmest winter ever.  It has snowed 3 or 4 times, with the snow staying only for a day or 2.  We have shoveled the sidewalk once and the temperature is typically -3C to +2C daily with a few days reaching +10C (50F)  Dock is missing the snow.  She likes to sit at a window with the blind open and watch the world, either when it's really nice so she can feel the sunshine and breeze and see all the people, or when it's snowing.  I have to say, I miss the snow this winter too.

I remember when she first came home.  I got her at 6 years old and she was a bit solitary at first.  She was with an older couple that could not longer care for her, so she was not a cuddly cat.  That is why she is my Diva.  Does what she wants, when she wants.  I wasn't sure if she was going to stay with us.  I kind of just brought her home without talking to the hubby.  Told him that we could take her back if he wanted, or if it didn't work out.  He was the one that sat with her in the spare room and she made the first move of coming out to head butt him while he read.  When we went to bed that night, she wandered into the house to see us, and he invited her up on the bed.  That happened again in the night.  From then, I knew she was going to stay.  She has been with us for 10 years now.

Today she decided she would rather eat Mace's food and she dove into it right beside him.  She never does that, she usually gets pushed aside by him hovering his breakfast, so she just lets him go to it.  This morning, she decided she was hungry and dammit, Mace is going to share.  I just had to call her name, and she came to her own room for her own breakfast.  I'm shocked that Mace even allowed that in the first place.  As I said before, she does occasionally tolerate him.

The Great White North

Today is a bit colder than it has been this winter.  Dock has been finding it enjoyable to lie beside the heat vent.  Right now, she's just content to feel the warm air.

Her behavior has been pretty good but it appears that the meningioma has altered where she wants to spend her time snoozing.  The other night found her asleep on my husbands computer desk.  And when he came home from work on Monday, she was curled up on the dining room table.  She has never even set foot on that table as far as I know.  She has also laid down in front of the back door, and on my computer desk.  I have decided to keep myself giggling a bit to start a photo diary of the odd places she is sleeping.

When I discussed the sleeping arrangement with my vet, she asked me if I thought it was an acute change in her sleeping patterns.  I think it is, as until Sunday, she was always at her spot on the couch, (except for that one time in the dining room) or the heat vent.  We've decided to increase her Prednisone a bit to see if that helps.

Where will she be next time.  Where ever it is, my response will likely be the same.  "DOCK....What The Hell.....Oh Well, Whatever."

Start of the trip

This is my first blog ever, but I am hoping to share my story of my wonderful cat that has meningioma (a tumour on the lining of the brain)

Let me first introduce myself and my family.  I am Carla and I live in St. Catharines with my husband and 2 cats Dock (DLH) and Mace (sphynx).  Mace is a 5 year old little hell raiser that keeps us on our toes, and likes to pester poor Dock.  Dock is a 15 and a half year old long haired diva that could care less about Mace, but will tolerate him enough for the occasional wrestling or boxing match.

Dock has been pretty healthy until the last few years.  She has early kidney disease, and has had surgeries to repair ruptured cruciate ligaments in both back legs.  She has been on 2 pain medications for the arthritis associated with the surgeries, as well as monthly injections.

On January 12th, she started acute onset of odd behavior.  I thought she may be going senile.  She sleeps on the couch mostly, or in front on a particular heat vent, and does not travel upstairs much, except in the morning when it is time to wake us up for food.  But this night, she came up about 4am, meowing her little head off and decided to spray the wall and urinate on some clothes.  The next morning, she was having her mandatory sleep time, but on a pillow on the other side of the couch.  Odd....  I didn't think too much of it, but I would be sure to check with my vet if this strangeness keeps up.  That same day, she decided that my husbands sweater in the dining room corner would be the next greatest bed.  Ok, now this is getting weird.  Lastly, after being on the computer for a bit that night, I was unable to find her.  A search of the house revealed her on the back of the couch in the basement (which we never use, and in her 15 years, she has never slept on).  

Dock was also being more vocal, as well as more "sucky".  She would insist on sitting in front of the computer screen and just stare at us.  Putting her down, means she just has to jump back up again.  

A chat with the vet on the Saturday meant I would need to bring her in for some testing.  A few items on the diagnosis list was senility, possible organ dysfunction, pain induced behavior changes, or a possible neurological condition.

Monday saw me in the clinic with Dock.  A number of tests were run including her thyroid, urine.  Her kidney dysfunction, while stable, was now showing she was losing potassium.  All other tests were normal.  So B12 injections and potassium supplements on top of the other meds were started.  

On Sunday the 14th, Dock had a small seizure, focused on her head.  It was short, and would not have been noticed had I not been sitting beside her.  That pretty much confirmed the diagnosis of Meningioma.  Due to her age,  we decided not to proceed with testing to confirm the diagnosis as it would be costly, and I do not think she would do well with a major surgery to remove the tumour.  She is now on Prednisone to reduce the inflammation around the tumor, and she is doing well, though she is still sleeping in odd places.  

Thank you for reading our story so far.